Recently, the LDS Church issued a statement on Race and the Priesthood that has arched a lot of eyebrows. Even faithful members were caught a bit off-guard by the announcement, which has succeeded in inspiring doubt in some, and quiet pondering and confusion among others. I thought it might be helpful to offer some perspective here for the wannabe "Ark Steadiers" out there who might now be wavering.
First of all, let's review what the statement does, and doesn't actually say.
What the announce did NOT say was the Brigham Young was a racist. It also did not say why the Priesthood ban was put in place.
What it DOES say is that the issue was complex, and revolved around common cultural practices of the day and the role that racial integration was playing in Utah's bid to achieve Statehood, particularly regarding Southerners who had migrated to Utah... with their slaves. It also DOES specify that the ban was not the result of theories revolving around "racial inferiority."
That being said, it would be wonderful to have Brigham Young here to fully explain his reasons, but I propose that the reasons might be congruent with what I've always thought was the case, but which, although abundantly attested to in scripture, has never been articulated as "the" reason for the ban.
The answer, I believe, can be found in the declaration by the Lord that He is "the same yesterday, today, and forever." (1 Ne 10:18, Mormon 9:9) This, at least to me, denotes consistency in doctrine as a divine trait. To me, this seems to be one such example.
Throughout history, the Lord has withheld certain blessings pertaining to the Priesthood among certain groups of people. An excellent example is found in the fact that Levites were not permitted to practice their priestly duties while the Israelites were in captivity during the Exile. Was this racist? One has to wonder whether those who currently seek to "Steady the Ark" with political correctness would accuse
the Lord (or His prophets, most likely) of being "racists" had they lived during ancient times. Was the ban on the Levites due to the "cultural racial attitudes and norms" during that time? No. The Lord directed it through His living prophet. Does the fact that we don't fully understand the reasons for it diminish from the divine nature of that ban, or the reasons God may have had for it? No.
My thoughts are (and always have been) that the priesthood can only be exercised by those who are not in captivity... either to governments and civil powers, or to sin and cultural apostasy. It is no surprise to me therefore that the priesthood be withheld from a people who suffered in physical, then cultural and societal, bondage until the 1960's at least... and it is also no surprise that the Lord then released the ban when supplicated by His prophets a short time later... in perfect consistency with His past actions.
The Gentiles in the New Testament world were denied the ministrations of Christ and the Apostles completely. They were not to receive the gospel until after Christ had ascended. The ban on the gospel going to the Gentiles was so ingrained in the Apostles paradigm that nothing short of divine revelation could convince Peter otherwise. The New Testament is silent on the reasons for this, other than the rather cryptic statement that "I am sent but until the lost sheep of the House of Israel." (Matt 15:24) Of course, this might prompt some rather "tender" questions, if we were to approach this with the same attitude as the "Ark Steadiers" wish to approach the recent article on race and Priesthood; Was Christ a racist? Was the ancient Christian Church racist? Peter, on having this glorious experience seemed genuinely surprised when he exclaimed "Of a truth I perceive that God is no respecter of persons:" (Acts 10:34) Apparently, this had not been their previous paradigm.
But wait a minute... wasn't this known before the gospel was withheld from the Gentiles? What about during the Savior's ministry? Wasn't God "no respecter of persons" then, too? The surprise in Peter's reply seems to indicate that it was not.
In fact, the entire racial "norm" among the Israelites was that they were the "chosen people" of the Lord, to the exclusion of others... which sounds remarkably like the racial attitude that permeated the 19th and much of the 20th centuries regarding whites v. blacks, which some Southern Protestant churches still seem to grapple with in 2013.
From this experience, which is most instructive regarding this issue, we learn that the following:
1) The Savior Himself "discriminated" against the Gentiles, and refused to minister to them as a people, and forbade His disciples from going among them, with very little explanation.
2) The ban was lifted after He ascended.
3) The then-prophet, Peter, did not realize that the restriction was no longer in place, and sought to continue the Savior's prohibition.
4) Direct revelation was needed to help Peter understand that the ban was no longer the Lord's wish.
One could legitimately ask, "Why did Christ allow Peter to lead the Church astray? What about all those Gentiles who were denied salvation, who died before that ban was lifted?"
Fortunately, we know that the blessings of the gospel are eternal, and no earthly ban can withhold those blessings to them. They will ultimately receive them in the Lord's due time. The same principle holds true for all who died without hearing the gospel in general. Could one not legitimately accuse God of being a "racist" for not providing means to far-flung nations and races to hear and accept or reject the gospel in this life? Or could there be a divine "method to the madness" that God has not seen fit to reveal to us yet?
It is worthy of noting that the separation between the Jews and Gentiles had been long-standing and deeply ingrained. The Gentiles, to the Jews, were "unclean," specially in NT times when most Gentiles were pagans. It was only when the gospel started being preached "among all nations, kindreds, tongues, and people" that the issue arose, much like in modern times with issues in Brazil.
And, like Peter, it has taken a direct revelation from God to reverse it. And this is not, by the way, an indictment against the Prophets of God in any way... they were loyal and obedient to what they understood at the time. But just like in the Old World, God has made it abundantly clear that He moves according to His timetable.. not ours.
One could rightfully ask, "What about God loving all of His children and making salvation available to all"? The reality is that we simply do not know the answer to that... only that, just as in the Bible, He has his purposes for what He does, which we may or may not understand at the time. The difference between faithful Saints, and the wannabe "Ark Steadiers," I believe, is that to the Saints, absence of understanding of something the Lord does or does not do, does not automatically equate to "that's wrong," or "that couldn't have been inspired" or "the prophet/church has been led astray."
Did Brigham Young lead the Saints astray because of this ban, the reasons for which we still don't know? I believe the answer to that is a resounding "No." Does the Church today embrace doctrines or practices that are in variance with what the Prophet Joseph or the Lord himself revealed in the Restoration? No. Do the Saints maintain the keys of the Priesthood? Yes.
I believe that the Lord raises up those who have the necessary skills that He needs to lead His Church at specific points in time. While Brigham Young definitely had some "interesting" ideas, he was also a world-class leader and civic and business manager, which the Saints desperately needed at the time. His accomplishments are too many to be adequately enumerated. He truly accomplished the impossible, with nothing. He has rightfully been remembered as one of the greatest of the prophets of the Restoration behind Joseph Smith.
Did he make mistakes? Of course. We don't believe in Prophetic Infallibility. I can't recall ever hearing a General Conference address where we were taught that prophets are infallible. Only that the Lord will not permit them to "lead the saints astray." And I do not believe that this has occurred, in Brigham Young's case, or in any other LDS leader. Especially when we STILL do not know the real reason why the Priesthood Ban was extended.
“I think there is one thing which we should have exceedingly clear in
our minds. Neither the President of the Church, nor the First
Presidency, nor the united voice of the First Presidency and the Twelve
will ever lead the Saints astray or send forth counsel to the world that
is contrary to the mind and will of the Lord” (in Conference Report,
Apr. 1972, 99; or Ensign, July 1972, 88).
Jesus Christ still stands at the head of this Church, today as in times past. Our doctrines are intact. The priesthood and its' glorious keys are intact. The great and eternal truths that we cherish and embrace as part of the Restoration are still intact. And most importantly, the salvation and exaltation of all of the black Saints from the Restoration until the present is assured, regardless of the color of their skin. And always has.
It should be no surprise to the faithful that in the end times, a "winnowing" will occur, which will separate the wheat from the chaff within the Church itself. Perhaps we are just beginning to feel the shaking of threshing machine.
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Sunday, December 1, 2013
The Enemy Within
I often get the feeling that I'm watching history unfold right before my eyes. Not just secular and political history, mind you, but spiritual history as well.
I won't take the time to go into the events preceding the coming of the Lord... that's another blog entry altogether. I did want to share some feelings on one aspect of the end times, though... that's been on my mind a lot lately;
I won't take the time to go into the events preceding the coming of the Lord... that's another blog entry altogether. I did want to share some feelings on one aspect of the end times, though... that's been on my mind a lot lately;
"Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name’s sake. And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another. And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many. And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold." (Matt 24:9-12)
As the Church has grown up and matured, it has ever-increasingly gained the attention of the Adversary, who has waged a very visible and overt war against it. We saw it in the '70's with the advent of professional anti-Mormons like Walter Martin and Ed Decker, who transformed the ugliness of hatred and religious bigotry into a lucrative cottage industry. We saw it in the '80's with slick multimedia presentations, "Witnessing to Mormons" seminars and workshops, and a plethora of "ministries" that were formed for no other reason than to persecute the Church. Finally, we saw the flat-out smear campaign against the Church when Mitt Romney ran for the office of President of the United States.
But something is changing.
The Church has achieved a level of prominence and credibility that, while galling to the anti-Mormon crowd, has succeeded in eroding and invalidating much of the more spurious and sensationalistic accusations against the Church. This has led, in my humble opinion, to a greater societal acceptance of the LDS Church than at any other period in the Church's history. Great news, right?
Never underestimate the Adversary.
The battle is not over... it has merely changed fronts. What used to be played out center stage from outside is now quietly being waged within the Church itself. This cancer is called "New Order Mormonism." Instead of attacking the Church from without, as he has always done, Satan is now attacking the Church from within... attempting to poison the roots, and to eat out the heart of the Church from the inside.
In the "good old days," if one became disaffected with the Church, they would simply leave. Some became bitter, caustic voices of criticism, but it was criticism from OUTSIDE the Church. Apostates were just that... apostates, and FORMER members of the Church. Easily dismissed. Easily ignored. The Few, the Crazy, the Terminally-Disaffected. The Eternally Bitter.
Today, however, those who would have otherwise clenched their fists and stomped noisily out of the Church are choosing instead to stay... and attempt to destroy the Church from within. They quietly maintain their membership for the purpose of sedition and actively advancing their agendas... acceptance of homosexuality, gay marriage, and ordaining women to the priesthood being just a few.
These wolves in sheep's clothing gleefully brag that they do not believe that the Church is true... in fact, they actively promote the idea that the Brethren have led the Church astray, and that the Church is nothing more than a "corporation" whose bureaucracy should be run democratically by the membership.
When asked why they would belong to a Church that they don't believe in, they smile and respond with "Because I can." They call themselves "Cultural Mormons," and have decided that maintaining appearances and assuaging family pressures while openly opposing the Church and the gospel are justifiable behaviors. But they're not content with just that.
They interject their agenda in every forum they can... while teaching Gospel Doctrine or the Sunbeams. They WANT to stay "active" in order to "reach" as many members as they can. They are, in many cases, openly defiant. They brag about how their Bishops "know how [they] feel" and chortle at the naive efforts of their leaders to "love them back" into the straight and narrow.
This kind of insidious "attack from within" is devastating. I once lived in a ward where a sitting Bishop apostatized and took half the ward with him. It's been over 20 years, and the ward has never recovered.
This kind of insidious "attack from within" is devastating. I once lived in a ward where a sitting Bishop apostatized and took half the ward with him. It's been over 20 years, and the ward has never recovered.
I believe that this is how many of the "very elect" will be deceived in the last days... through other smiling members of the Church who are dedicated to destroying testimonies, instilling doubt, and spreading the cancer of "calling evil good, and good evil."
It will certainly be interesting to see how the Church reacts.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Churchies v. The Rest Of Us
For those who know me, this might be a real departure. I hope that I don't shock and disillusion anyone too badly as I pen a few lines about what, for me, has become a serious issue.
Now. Having said that, don't get all alarmed and concerned that the founder of the largest Apologetics organization in the LDS Church is "going rogue." Or "apostate." I've always been a bit "rogue," as every Gospel Doctrine class I've ever taught can readily attest. But I'm not going anywhere... especially ApostateLand... I promise. :)
Guys, it's the Churchies. My teenage daughter calls them "The Plastics." Churchies have always been an extreme irritant to me. When I say "Churchie," I'm referring to the culture of Mormonism... to those who believe that the Church is the Gospel, and that green jello with carrot shavings is Celestial Food. I'm referring to those who behave as if talking with the "Primary Voice" makes one more pure and sanctified. Churchies are those who have deeply converted... not to the gospel, per se... but to the culture of Mormonism. And as much as our dear General Authorities recoil in righteous indignation at the suggestion that the culture of Mormonism is different between the "Intermountain Best" and everywhere else (and sometimes desperately seek to outright deny it), we all know that Churchies are very real.
Churchies are more or less ambivalent, at best, about the Gospel.. if not downright apathetic about it. It's always there, like the proverbial elephant in the foyer, and they are quite eager to affirm how "true" it is... but heaven help them if someone actually asks what "The Gospel" really consists of. Churchies don't give The Gospel much thought outside of Church. Or during Church, for that matter... other than mustering the same, tired, requisite canned-answer-to-standard-Mormon-questions during 2nd and 3rd block. Don't believe me? Ask a Churchie to explain The Gospel in 10 words or less.
Churchies plod dutifully through the Sunday block, attend their leadership meetings, and do the bare minimum required to fulfill their callings. They look down disapprovingly on the non-Churchies in the ward who are obviously not nearly as righteous as they are, or who have the rather embarrassing bad form of having personal issues, which have been dutifully made very public by the Ward Gossips. Churchies are very... dutiful. Churchies can often be identified by the old, beat up Spinnett piano in the living room, the required cheesy home decor from Deseret Book on their walls, and Family Home Evening/Family Job Charts hanging in the kitchen, along with dusty "pass-along cards" clinging to the refrigerator with the help of "CTR" magnets.
Churchies sit respectfully during classes in Sunday School and Old Women and Old Men (Relief Society and Priesthood Meeting), pretending to pay attention to the lessons, and dutifully reading the canned reading assignments off of little slips of paper that the Churchie instructor has dutifully prepared 45 minutes before Church, when they skimmed over the lesson for the first time all week.
Some Churchies are often the ones who might as well have their names engraved on brass nameplates over the comfy chairs outside the Bishop's Office, as they begin their weekly wait yet again for a "cleansing confession" for their chronic, uncontrolled pornography/spousal abuse/gambling-drug-alcohol addiction,adultery/fornication/secretive homosexuality that they're hoping no one else in the ward knows about.. forgetting that the Ward Gossip Infernal News Network is alive and well.
Churchies generally obey the Word of Wisdom. Some better than others. Those that have no real interest in adhering to it strictly are said to "struggle" with it. Not much struggle for most. They simply enjoy their occasional coffee, or glass of wine... or beer... or cigarette... they just make sure they keep it well hidden, so that they can maintain appearances. Indulging in such would be a serious social no-no to other Churchies.
Churchie wives and mothers are shiny clean and smiling while they coo lovingly at their toddlers and enthusiastically share the latest faith-promoting rumor or Gospel Gossip tidbit in the hall under hushed tones during and/or after Sacrament Meeting.
On the inside, however, many of the Churchie wives are haggard, chronically depressed, bitter and exhausted. The self-esteem of many of them has been desperately and sometimes irreparably damaged by the constant nagging feeling that they will never measure up, or be "enough." They're weary of the constant burden of maintaining appearances and pretending that they're not... human.
Churchies get up dutifully in Fast & Testimony Meeting, and bear their Feelimony. They weep pitifully, as if on cue,, then urge all 23 of their "under 8 year old" brood to "bear their testimonies" in turn, even though the Church has repeatedly asked that they not do that. Then they all return to their pew, where their hyper-active "missionaries-in-training" suck down Cheerios and race up and down the row... loudly... as the parents strain to hear the next speaker over the din.
Churchies believe that the fact that they smilingly plod dutifully through their long-ingrained routine every week will assure them a seat at the Celestial Table... even though they couldn't tell you anything more about the atonement than that it somehow involved Jesus and the Garden... somehow.
I actually asked a Bishop (several wards ago) why we don't actually teach The Gospel in Gospel Doctrine... why we didn't dig deeper than the 2 inches mandated by the manual. I asked why the Church insists on teaching to the lowest common denominator, when most members have been there their whole lives... his answer floored me. "Oh, well, if THAT'S what you want (as if I had asked for a illustrated tutorial on how to make a porno), you'll have to do THAT on your own, in your PERSONAL study." I remember my jaw almost hitting his desktop. The Bishop is invariably the Mayor of ChurchieTown.
Churchies apparently believe that "too much" information leads one to apostasy as certainly as watching an "R"-rated movie leads one to become an adulterous serial killer with a serious Dr. Pepper addiction.
For example, learning Koine Greek to understand the NT better is not "righteous," but is "looking beyond the mark." It's not in the Church Curriculum, so therefore, it's "Not Approved," and therefore it's "Evil" and "Unrighteous."
Studying Christian History, hermeneutics, textual criticism, etc. is "a waste of time, since there's been a Restoration." Gospel study that goes beyond the approved manual is viewed with the same contempt and disdain that one would exhibit gazing at a Hefty Cinch-Sack full of rotten meat.
I'm really not making this stuff up. Churchies are allergic to intelligence, they honestly believe that additional "light and knowledge" will surely land you promptly in Colorado City with 5 truly hideously ugly wives and 36 children.
Callings are everything to Churchies. If you haven't been called into the Bishopric (preferably as the Bishop) by the time you're 40, you're obviously a loser, and are immediately delegated to 2nd or 3rd Class Citizens in the Kingdom of God on Earth. You obvious have a "problem." And all the other Churchies in the ward know it. Callings are directly proportional to one's worthiness and righteousness to a Churchie... therefore, if one is called to be the ward magazine rep, or on the activities committee, it is the same thing as coming down with terminal spiritual leprosy, and/or is on the verge of inactivity or apostasy, which to a Churchie are one and the same thing.
Churchies seem to be heavily concentrated in Utah, Arizona, and Idaho, The Intermountain Best, much to the chagrin and annoyance to the heathen populations of those states, as well as all the other non-Churchie members of the Church. Fortunately, the condition seems to be limited to those geographical areas, as the influence of the Churchies rapidly dissipates the farther you get from any of those locales.
Churchies love good theater. They are unbearably friendly and cheerful to newcomers and investigators, until after the hapless new members or investigators either move in or get baptized. After that, things go back to normal, and the newbies basically become invisible except to accept a calling as the ward magazine rep or member of the activities committee. All of the leadership positions are already occupied by Churchies, and are rotated only among the Core Clique.
I have a confession to make.
I hate Churchies. There. I said it. I can't stand them. I loathe them. They make my flesh crawl. I want to run screaming from the room whenever I'm around them. Seriously, if the Celestial Kingdom is composed of Churchies, I'm going to take a harder look at the Great and Spacious Building.
Don't get me wrong. I love the gospel. I love the Savior. I have a deep, abiding testimony of the Restoration, of the Book of Mormon, and of the redeeming sacrifice of the Only Begotten Son of Almighty God. I have experienced bona fide miracles in my life, and have had many profound spiritual experiences too sacred to relate. And I hate Churchies.
This is becoming a problem for me. It's gotten so bad that I can't stand the thought anymore of even going to Church. It has nothing whatsoever to do with not wanting to obey the commandments, not wanting to partake of the sacrament, or not wanting to worship my Heavenly Father. It has everything to do with feeling tangibly uncomfortable while at church.
It's because I want to stand up in the middle of Sacrament Meeting from sitting in our usual spot in the 3rd row, and turning around and screaming "SERIOUSLY?" at the semi-dozing parents of over 125 primary children who are SO loud that I can't even remotely hear the speaker.
It's because I can't stand the thought of yet one more poorly prepared, poorly presented lesson on the same passages of scripture using the same "faith-promoting" stories.
It's because the active member of my High Priest's group that regularly slaps me jovially on the back is the same guy who rips people off with unscrupulous business practices during the rest of the week.
It's because the guy sitting next to the dishonest businessman regularly beats his wife, and then intones about how much of a "heaven on earth" his home is.
It's because no one really gives a crap about the Gospel if it doesn't involve refreshments.
It's because everyone looks forward to conference weekend... because they can sleep all weekend and "read the talks when they come out in the Ensign," which they never do.
It's because the Stake President has to bribe Priesthood Holders to come to General Priesthood Meeting with BBQ and ice cream socials beforehand.
It's because the Churchies have forced the Church to water down the curriculum so badly that all it winds being is mindless pablum.
It's because the Churchies actually refer to anyone who has more than a shallow acquaintance with the scriptures, or who still remembers some of their Scripture Mastery passages as a "scriptorian." Churchies refer (in hushed, reverent tones) to anyone who has actually read the lesson materials as an "intellectual."
Many Sundays, I have a nagging feeling of emptiness, restlessness and unsettledness that lingers after church, and agonize over how to deal with the spiritual hunger that seems to trudge on from week to week chronically unsatisfied. I'm not being spiritually fed at Church. I don't feel uplifted. By the time it's time to go home, I'm exhausted and angry. I feel the chilling breath of bitterness creeping down the back of my neck.
Oh, wait, that was just the Relief Society President. Nevermind.
It feels like there is no "fellowship" in the Church anymore. There is no sense of "family." There is no closeness... no camaradery. No espirit-de-corps. As a ward family, we seem to put the "fun" in "dysfunctional." And this pains my soul.
Oh, I know... I can strike up a conversation... a shallow conversation... with various people at church who will try to respond politely, but none of us (other than the Core Clique) associate with each other outside of church. My sweet wife and I are desperately lonely, and don't know what to do about it. We don't feel wanted, included, or valued. We feel perpetually like outcasts and like we're constantly being assigned to sit at "Table 9," if you ever watched The Wedding Singer.
When we arrived in the Tragic Valley after living in Virginia, we were eager to get involved, to immerse ourselves in our new home ward, and to get acquainted with our new Ward Family. That eagerness and excitement was very short-lived. My first call to our new Bishop, upon signing the lease on our new home, began with "How'd you get this number?!" And it went downhill from there. Four months passed after moving in, and neither one of us had a calling. Other families moved in, and were immediately called to positions in Young Mens, or Young Womens, or Relief Society... some wound up with multiple callings. After 4 months, I was finally called to teach High Priest's group on the 2nd Sunday of the month. My wife was called to be the Visiting Teaching coordinator for Relief Society. Not really believing that this would be my "real" calling, I asked our Bishop when I would receive a calling, he acted incredulous... for a moment I felt a close kinship with Oliver Twist asking for more gruel... "Well, weren't you called as the instructor for the High Priest's Group on the 2nd Sunday?" He was clearly appalled that I actually wanted to do MORE. There is nothing more deflating and disheartening than to be rebuffed and rejected by a volunteer leader at a volunteer organization for being a volunteer who wants to volunteer MORE.
Like I said earlier, don't get me wrong. I love the gospel, and I love the idea of Church. And yes, I know... we all get out of Sacrament Meeting what we bring into it... I've heard all the trite phrases and scoldings... none of which impresses me much. Sometimes there really is a problem.
At the end of a trying week, I want to come and worship my Heavenly Father in humility, take the Sacrament and renew my covenants, and be spiritually fed... and fellowship with my brothers and sisters. After all, isn't that the purpose of it all? Yet week after week, I find myself making excuses to flee after the closing prayer in Sacrament Meeting. The Core Clique refuses to acknowledge that there's even a problem... and clearly wishes that non-Churchies would quiety move out or go discover Scientology. Meanwhile, the number of socially isolated, discouraged, frustrated non-Churchies grows to epidemic proportions.
And now the disappointing part. I'm not writing this to reveal any great revelations or "inspirational lessons" that I've learned through this painful process... I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with how I feel, to be perfectly honest.
I confided these feelings to a good friend recently... a former Bishop... who was surprisingly candid. When I told him that my current Bishop, upon reading this blog, would almost certainly haul my sorry butt into his office for a strong "Come-To-Jesus" about not being an "ark-steadier," he asked me a thought-provoking question... "What would you LIKE your Bishop to say to you?" I had to munge on that for a bit. He then added on another one. "What would make a difference to you?"
I'm still munging.
Life is sadistically hard sometimes. For some, most of the time. There are so many stresses, tragedies, and challenges during the week. Life happens, and sometimes it's just damned ugly. Many of us are in pain... either physically, spiritually, or emotionally... or all three at once. We approach church each week with a quiet desperation... a deeply passionate hope for solace... yearning for our bucket to be filled... for there to be someone else who we can talk to and just... vent. A true Brother or Sister In The Gospel is not just a generic title for someone who occupies the same general space once a week. It should be someone who understands us, who shares our paradigm and values, and who either hurts, too, or has been there and done that. Someone who is aching for precisely the same thing.
Too many in the Lord's Kingdom on Earth are yearning for true fellowship. I'm certainly not finding any. I'm finding smiling, plastic Churchies instead, to whom I will never "measure up." And it's getting old.
Maybe we should lower our pride level a bit and take some tips from some of the other churches in our neighborhoods... who seem to have discovered this issue early on, and attempted to address it by instituting weekly get-togethers after their regular church meetings... strictly for fellowship... giving Church members the ability to relax a bit, talk to each other, and form friendships. You have to admit it is an awfully appealing idea. I'd even whip up on of my famous pot-roasts for a Sunday post-block pot luck if asked.
Or maybe it's just time for another "Mental Health Sunday." Or two.
Now. Having said that, don't get all alarmed and concerned that the founder of the largest Apologetics organization in the LDS Church is "going rogue." Or "apostate." I've always been a bit "rogue," as every Gospel Doctrine class I've ever taught can readily attest. But I'm not going anywhere... especially ApostateLand... I promise. :)
Guys, it's the Churchies. My teenage daughter calls them "The Plastics." Churchies have always been an extreme irritant to me. When I say "Churchie," I'm referring to the culture of Mormonism... to those who believe that the Church is the Gospel, and that green jello with carrot shavings is Celestial Food. I'm referring to those who behave as if talking with the "Primary Voice" makes one more pure and sanctified. Churchies are those who have deeply converted... not to the gospel, per se... but to the culture of Mormonism. And as much as our dear General Authorities recoil in righteous indignation at the suggestion that the culture of Mormonism is different between the "Intermountain Best" and everywhere else (and sometimes desperately seek to outright deny it), we all know that Churchies are very real.
Churchies are more or less ambivalent, at best, about the Gospel.. if not downright apathetic about it. It's always there, like the proverbial elephant in the foyer, and they are quite eager to affirm how "true" it is... but heaven help them if someone actually asks what "The Gospel" really consists of. Churchies don't give The Gospel much thought outside of Church. Or during Church, for that matter... other than mustering the same, tired, requisite canned-answer-to-standard-Mormon-questions during 2nd and 3rd block. Don't believe me? Ask a Churchie to explain The Gospel in 10 words or less.
Churchies plod dutifully through the Sunday block, attend their leadership meetings, and do the bare minimum required to fulfill their callings. They look down disapprovingly on the non-Churchies in the ward who are obviously not nearly as righteous as they are, or who have the rather embarrassing bad form of having personal issues, which have been dutifully made very public by the Ward Gossips. Churchies are very... dutiful. Churchies can often be identified by the old, beat up Spinnett piano in the living room, the required cheesy home decor from Deseret Book on their walls, and Family Home Evening/Family Job Charts hanging in the kitchen, along with dusty "pass-along cards" clinging to the refrigerator with the help of "CTR" magnets.
Churchies sit respectfully during classes in Sunday School and Old Women and Old Men (Relief Society and Priesthood Meeting), pretending to pay attention to the lessons, and dutifully reading the canned reading assignments off of little slips of paper that the Churchie instructor has dutifully prepared 45 minutes before Church, when they skimmed over the lesson for the first time all week.
Some Churchies are often the ones who might as well have their names engraved on brass nameplates over the comfy chairs outside the Bishop's Office, as they begin their weekly wait yet again for a "cleansing confession" for their chronic, uncontrolled pornography/spousal abuse/gambling-drug-alcohol addiction,adultery/fornication/secretive homosexuality that they're hoping no one else in the ward knows about.. forgetting that the Ward Gossip Infernal News Network is alive and well.
Churchies generally obey the Word of Wisdom. Some better than others. Those that have no real interest in adhering to it strictly are said to "struggle" with it. Not much struggle for most. They simply enjoy their occasional coffee, or glass of wine... or beer... or cigarette... they just make sure they keep it well hidden, so that they can maintain appearances. Indulging in such would be a serious social no-no to other Churchies.
Churchie wives and mothers are shiny clean and smiling while they coo lovingly at their toddlers and enthusiastically share the latest faith-promoting rumor or Gospel Gossip tidbit in the hall under hushed tones during and/or after Sacrament Meeting.
On the inside, however, many of the Churchie wives are haggard, chronically depressed, bitter and exhausted. The self-esteem of many of them has been desperately and sometimes irreparably damaged by the constant nagging feeling that they will never measure up, or be "enough." They're weary of the constant burden of maintaining appearances and pretending that they're not... human.
Churchies get up dutifully in Fast & Testimony Meeting, and bear their Feelimony. They weep pitifully, as if on cue,, then urge all 23 of their "under 8 year old" brood to "bear their testimonies" in turn, even though the Church has repeatedly asked that they not do that. Then they all return to their pew, where their hyper-active "missionaries-in-training" suck down Cheerios and race up and down the row... loudly... as the parents strain to hear the next speaker over the din.
Churchies believe that the fact that they smilingly plod dutifully through their long-ingrained routine every week will assure them a seat at the Celestial Table... even though they couldn't tell you anything more about the atonement than that it somehow involved Jesus and the Garden... somehow.
I actually asked a Bishop (several wards ago) why we don't actually teach The Gospel in Gospel Doctrine... why we didn't dig deeper than the 2 inches mandated by the manual. I asked why the Church insists on teaching to the lowest common denominator, when most members have been there their whole lives... his answer floored me. "Oh, well, if THAT'S what you want (as if I had asked for a illustrated tutorial on how to make a porno), you'll have to do THAT on your own, in your PERSONAL study." I remember my jaw almost hitting his desktop. The Bishop is invariably the Mayor of ChurchieTown.
Churchies apparently believe that "too much" information leads one to apostasy as certainly as watching an "R"-rated movie leads one to become an adulterous serial killer with a serious Dr. Pepper addiction.
For example, learning Koine Greek to understand the NT better is not "righteous," but is "looking beyond the mark." It's not in the Church Curriculum, so therefore, it's "Not Approved," and therefore it's "Evil" and "Unrighteous."
Studying Christian History, hermeneutics, textual criticism, etc. is "a waste of time, since there's been a Restoration." Gospel study that goes beyond the approved manual is viewed with the same contempt and disdain that one would exhibit gazing at a Hefty Cinch-Sack full of rotten meat.
I'm really not making this stuff up. Churchies are allergic to intelligence, they honestly believe that additional "light and knowledge" will surely land you promptly in Colorado City with 5 truly hideously ugly wives and 36 children.
Callings are everything to Churchies. If you haven't been called into the Bishopric (preferably as the Bishop) by the time you're 40, you're obviously a loser, and are immediately delegated to 2nd or 3rd Class Citizens in the Kingdom of God on Earth. You obvious have a "problem." And all the other Churchies in the ward know it. Callings are directly proportional to one's worthiness and righteousness to a Churchie... therefore, if one is called to be the ward magazine rep, or on the activities committee, it is the same thing as coming down with terminal spiritual leprosy, and/or is on the verge of inactivity or apostasy, which to a Churchie are one and the same thing.
Churchies seem to be heavily concentrated in Utah, Arizona, and Idaho, The Intermountain Best, much to the chagrin and annoyance to the heathen populations of those states, as well as all the other non-Churchie members of the Church. Fortunately, the condition seems to be limited to those geographical areas, as the influence of the Churchies rapidly dissipates the farther you get from any of those locales.
Churchies love good theater. They are unbearably friendly and cheerful to newcomers and investigators, until after the hapless new members or investigators either move in or get baptized. After that, things go back to normal, and the newbies basically become invisible except to accept a calling as the ward magazine rep or member of the activities committee. All of the leadership positions are already occupied by Churchies, and are rotated only among the Core Clique.
I have a confession to make.
I hate Churchies. There. I said it. I can't stand them. I loathe them. They make my flesh crawl. I want to run screaming from the room whenever I'm around them. Seriously, if the Celestial Kingdom is composed of Churchies, I'm going to take a harder look at the Great and Spacious Building.
Don't get me wrong. I love the gospel. I love the Savior. I have a deep, abiding testimony of the Restoration, of the Book of Mormon, and of the redeeming sacrifice of the Only Begotten Son of Almighty God. I have experienced bona fide miracles in my life, and have had many profound spiritual experiences too sacred to relate. And I hate Churchies.
This is becoming a problem for me. It's gotten so bad that I can't stand the thought anymore of even going to Church. It has nothing whatsoever to do with not wanting to obey the commandments, not wanting to partake of the sacrament, or not wanting to worship my Heavenly Father. It has everything to do with feeling tangibly uncomfortable while at church.
It's because I want to stand up in the middle of Sacrament Meeting from sitting in our usual spot in the 3rd row, and turning around and screaming "SERIOUSLY?" at the semi-dozing parents of over 125 primary children who are SO loud that I can't even remotely hear the speaker.
It's because I can't stand the thought of yet one more poorly prepared, poorly presented lesson on the same passages of scripture using the same "faith-promoting" stories.
It's because the active member of my High Priest's group that regularly slaps me jovially on the back is the same guy who rips people off with unscrupulous business practices during the rest of the week.
It's because the guy sitting next to the dishonest businessman regularly beats his wife, and then intones about how much of a "heaven on earth" his home is.
It's because no one really gives a crap about the Gospel if it doesn't involve refreshments.
It's because everyone looks forward to conference weekend... because they can sleep all weekend and "read the talks when they come out in the Ensign," which they never do.
It's because the Stake President has to bribe Priesthood Holders to come to General Priesthood Meeting with BBQ and ice cream socials beforehand.
It's because the Churchies have forced the Church to water down the curriculum so badly that all it winds being is mindless pablum.
It's because the Churchies actually refer to anyone who has more than a shallow acquaintance with the scriptures, or who still remembers some of their Scripture Mastery passages as a "scriptorian." Churchies refer (in hushed, reverent tones) to anyone who has actually read the lesson materials as an "intellectual."
Many Sundays, I have a nagging feeling of emptiness, restlessness and unsettledness that lingers after church, and agonize over how to deal with the spiritual hunger that seems to trudge on from week to week chronically unsatisfied. I'm not being spiritually fed at Church. I don't feel uplifted. By the time it's time to go home, I'm exhausted and angry. I feel the chilling breath of bitterness creeping down the back of my neck.
Oh, wait, that was just the Relief Society President. Nevermind.
It feels like there is no "fellowship" in the Church anymore. There is no sense of "family." There is no closeness... no camaradery. No espirit-de-corps. As a ward family, we seem to put the "fun" in "dysfunctional." And this pains my soul.
Oh, I know... I can strike up a conversation... a shallow conversation... with various people at church who will try to respond politely, but none of us (other than the Core Clique) associate with each other outside of church. My sweet wife and I are desperately lonely, and don't know what to do about it. We don't feel wanted, included, or valued. We feel perpetually like outcasts and like we're constantly being assigned to sit at "Table 9," if you ever watched The Wedding Singer.
When we arrived in the Tragic Valley after living in Virginia, we were eager to get involved, to immerse ourselves in our new home ward, and to get acquainted with our new Ward Family. That eagerness and excitement was very short-lived. My first call to our new Bishop, upon signing the lease on our new home, began with "How'd you get this number?!" And it went downhill from there. Four months passed after moving in, and neither one of us had a calling. Other families moved in, and were immediately called to positions in Young Mens, or Young Womens, or Relief Society... some wound up with multiple callings. After 4 months, I was finally called to teach High Priest's group on the 2nd Sunday of the month. My wife was called to be the Visiting Teaching coordinator for Relief Society. Not really believing that this would be my "real" calling, I asked our Bishop when I would receive a calling, he acted incredulous... for a moment I felt a close kinship with Oliver Twist asking for more gruel... "Well, weren't you called as the instructor for the High Priest's Group on the 2nd Sunday?" He was clearly appalled that I actually wanted to do MORE. There is nothing more deflating and disheartening than to be rebuffed and rejected by a volunteer leader at a volunteer organization for being a volunteer who wants to volunteer MORE.
Like I said earlier, don't get me wrong. I love the gospel, and I love the idea of Church. And yes, I know... we all get out of Sacrament Meeting what we bring into it... I've heard all the trite phrases and scoldings... none of which impresses me much. Sometimes there really is a problem.
At the end of a trying week, I want to come and worship my Heavenly Father in humility, take the Sacrament and renew my covenants, and be spiritually fed... and fellowship with my brothers and sisters. After all, isn't that the purpose of it all? Yet week after week, I find myself making excuses to flee after the closing prayer in Sacrament Meeting. The Core Clique refuses to acknowledge that there's even a problem... and clearly wishes that non-Churchies would quiety move out or go discover Scientology. Meanwhile, the number of socially isolated, discouraged, frustrated non-Churchies grows to epidemic proportions.
And now the disappointing part. I'm not writing this to reveal any great revelations or "inspirational lessons" that I've learned through this painful process... I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with how I feel, to be perfectly honest.
I confided these feelings to a good friend recently... a former Bishop... who was surprisingly candid. When I told him that my current Bishop, upon reading this blog, would almost certainly haul my sorry butt into his office for a strong "Come-To-Jesus" about not being an "ark-steadier," he asked me a thought-provoking question... "What would you LIKE your Bishop to say to you?" I had to munge on that for a bit. He then added on another one. "What would make a difference to you?"
I'm still munging.
Life is sadistically hard sometimes. For some, most of the time. There are so many stresses, tragedies, and challenges during the week. Life happens, and sometimes it's just damned ugly. Many of us are in pain... either physically, spiritually, or emotionally... or all three at once. We approach church each week with a quiet desperation... a deeply passionate hope for solace... yearning for our bucket to be filled... for there to be someone else who we can talk to and just... vent. A true Brother or Sister In The Gospel is not just a generic title for someone who occupies the same general space once a week. It should be someone who understands us, who shares our paradigm and values, and who either hurts, too, or has been there and done that. Someone who is aching for precisely the same thing.
Too many in the Lord's Kingdom on Earth are yearning for true fellowship. I'm certainly not finding any. I'm finding smiling, plastic Churchies instead, to whom I will never "measure up." And it's getting old.
Maybe we should lower our pride level a bit and take some tips from some of the other churches in our neighborhoods... who seem to have discovered this issue early on, and attempted to address it by instituting weekly get-togethers after their regular church meetings... strictly for fellowship... giving Church members the ability to relax a bit, talk to each other, and form friendships. You have to admit it is an awfully appealing idea. I'd even whip up on of my famous pot-roasts for a Sunday post-block pot luck if asked.
Or maybe it's just time for another "Mental Health Sunday." Or two.
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