Anti-Cultural Mormons

We certainly live in interesting times, especially where the Church is concerned.  For instance, apostates used to be few and far between, most everyone knew who they were, and the apostates were soundly ostracized and marginalized to the point where they gladly left the Church rather than stay and endure the "shunning" that inevitably occurred.

Not anymore.

One of the more recent aberrations to appear over the horizon in Mormondom is the movement to embrace the culture of the Church while at the same time rejecting its teachings and doctrines.  Various groups have risen from the primordial ooze of apostasy to attempt to establish their turf as "legitimate" organizations that serve as "alternatives" for mainstream members who are butt-hurt over this or that.

"Reform Mormons," the ugly stepchild of the "New Order Mormons," or the NOM movement, is an attempt to de-spiritualize being a member of the Church, and to legitimize apostate membership.  Instead of being critical of church doctrines, stomping their feet, and wandering off into whatever strange roads that call to them, they have gotten their full-blown rebellion on and are now vowing to stay in the church as active, non-believing members, and work to "change" the church "from within."

The "Ordain Women" movement seeks to overthrow the sexist male-dominated hierarchy of the Church and force the church to yield to their bidding... namely to ordain women to the priesthood.  These people are under no illusion that the Lord approves of such a thing... they view the Church as nothing more than a corporate entity, which will cave to public pressure in time if they keep the heat up.

Some of us, myself included, have found ourselves both confused and disgusted at these movements, if for no other reason than the sheer illogic of it.  I have to admit, it renders me speechless... but not for the reasons you might imagine.

There is another movement in the Church which stands in stark contrast to the movements I described above.  Not much is said about this movement, and many don't even believe they're part of it, but I firmly believe that the sheer number of members that would joyfully and enthusiastically affiliate with this movement (if they knew it existed) would dwarf the handful of malcontents that fill the ranks of the other movements.  Were this movement ever to visibly rear its ugly head, it would surely be a force to be reckoned with.

This movement I'm referring to is called "Anti-Cultural Mormonism."  The core objectives and beliefs of this movement are exactly opposite that of the NOM's... While NOM's reject the doctrine of the church and the keys and authority of the living prophet in favor of the cultural and social aspects of the Church, Anti-Cultural Mormons are the opposite... they are deeply passionate about the Savior and His atonement and have very powerful testimonies of the Gospel.  They sustain the Prophet, serve faithfully and cherish the scriptures.  They also have a seething, white-hot loathing of "Mormon Culture." 

Anti-Cultural Mormons, or "ACM's" for short, do recognize the need for a Church structure with priesthood keys and authority, but consider the Church itself to be a sort of "scaffolding" surrounding the REAL building, which is the gospel of Jesus Christ.  They reject the freakishly absurd centrality that Mormon culture seems to play in the worship of cultural Mormons... who seem to actually replace Jesus Christ with green jello, Fast and Testimony Meeting travelogues and foyer-corner gossip.

To be honest, some ACM's would be perfectly happy to never again step foot inside a chapel if it were possible for them to take the sacrament somewhere else.  The frustration, hurt, and disenchantment are simply too overwhelming.

The experiences they have suffered through the years at the hands of insensitive local leaders and vicious, cliquish cultural Mormons has been painful and deeply traumatizing.  They are so repulsed by their own wards and stakes that they are seriously torn... they love the gospel, but want no part of the local Church or the Culture.

The judgmental slights, insults, passive-aggressiveness, and outright hostility to anyone who is in any way "not wearing the uniform" or who are not in the "inner circle" or "cool kids club" makes attending meetings a constant exercise in frustration and disappointment.  And it seems to happen every. single. week.  It's relentless and omnipresent.

Mistakes by leadership that leave sometimes permanent spiritual wounds are dismissed with a smile and a waive of the hand with the ever-popular "Oh, well... he must have been called to that position for his own growth." Very little is done to adequately train new leaders, and even less seems to be done to correct errant ones.  Almost every member of the Church can tell you horror stories regarding the personal failures or missteps of some local leader at some point in time.

The hushed, judgmental whispering at the deacon who wore a light-blue shirt instead of a white one to pass the sacrament... just loud enough for all around them to hear... is considered righteous and faithful.  "If those parents were really righteous, they'd never allow this (obviously wayward) boy to come like that.  Of all the nerve!  How disrespectful is that to the Savior?"  Never once allowing for the possibility that neither the boy or his parents can afford a white shirt.

And my personal favorite, the look of (very obvious) sheer, repulsive disgust at the humble investigator who bravely comes in faded jeans, reeking of cigarette smoke.  "Obviously we don't want HIS kind here.  He'll never fit in." Seriously?

The cliques.  The judgmentalism.  The pretending.  The shunning.  The musical-chairs of leadership callings between the same small group in the ward.  The condescending "spiritually-I'm-more-righteous-than-you" attitudes.  The Primary voice.  The refusal to actually study the gospel, while at the same time pretending to be an expert in its mysteries.  The erroneous and borderline apostate pseudo-scholarship.  The arrogant and reverential claims of being led by the Spirit, while committing serious sins during the week when they think no one's looking.  The hypocrisy.  The constant feelings of not being enough.  Of being less-than.  Of watching that new family be invited to speak, and receive callings when you've been in your ward for 2 years, have waited for 6 months for a calling, and have never been asked to speak.  The isolation.  The despair.

And I could go on and on and on.

I have to admit that I no longer look forward to going to Church.  I hate it.  I start getting a pit in my stomach around Friday, in anticipation of Sunday morning.  I count the minutes until Sacrament Meeting is over, which is the only meeting that I have the ability to endure.

Of course, in the grand tradition of passive-aggressive ecclesiastical counseling within the Church, those with legitimate and deeply felt concerns are assured, basically, that their issues are really their own fault.  It always comes back to that.  "There's nothing wrong.  Move along.  Nothing to see here."  It's always our fault.  We are obviously not "preparing ourselves" properly for worship.  We are obviously shallow or "don't have a testimony." Two more notches removed from being a "cool kid" now.

We are repeatedly told that if we're "truly prepared," then our worship experience will be gloriously transcendent and meaningful.  It will be about humbly partaking of the sacrament, thoughtful meditation and prayer, hearing angels singing reverently in the background, and being gratefully and richly fed through wave after wave of The Spirit washes over us as we  listen to the well-prepared, insightful talks that leave us feeling inspired and invigorated spiritually and ready to take on a new week with renewed resolve. 

Apparently, not for me. 

The reality is that I can't really hear the speakers at all, even sitting on the third row.  The talks are boring and poorly prepared.  Even the Bishop is asleep.  The thunderous din from over 125 toddlers and primary children is deafening.  The opening dirge, Sacrament dirge, and rest dirge all leave you desperately yearning for the closing dirge.  Rinse and repeat every week.  No matter HOW diligently I spiritually prepare.

Lately, I've taken to simply finding an empty classroom and reading the scriptures, or browsing through the last Conference Report.  That's all the spiritual uplift that I can expect.  And I can do that at home.

I've had to seriously re-evaluate the standard testimony-meeting chestnut of "I know this Church is true."   I suppose I do know that it's true, to an extent... the organization is correct... the priesthood keys are there... the gospel is true... the scriptures are a blessing... but that's where it ends.  I don't "know" that the way the Church works in my ward is "true." 

While the Bishop naps blissfully on the stand during a Dry Councilman's 40-minute talk on "obedience," the Miller kids are racing up and down their pew, screaming, and throwing Cheerios at each other while their parents sit by, seemingly oblivious to the disruption their Satanic spawn are causing and the annoyed stares boring into the back of their skulls from the rest of the ward.

Of course, kids are a double-edged sword.  In wards that are either "newlywed or nearly dead," there is little tolerance for the struggling, overwhelmed young parents who honestly do try to teach their children reverence.  Some parents are so exhausted and weary that they simply choose to just stay home rather then bring their brood of small children to be judged and condemned for... well... being small children. 

So, I'm an unapologetic member of the Anti-Cultural Mormonism movement.  I love the Savior.  But think that His Kingdom on Earth desperately needs a cleanup on aisle 9.  At least in my ward.